just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
