Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
