apparently the secret to your success is patron
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
