when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
