I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
