Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
