So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
