I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
