i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
