none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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