Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
