Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
