Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
