"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
