Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
