This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
