my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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