my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
