Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
