I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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