this beer tastes like vomit already
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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