if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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