I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
