Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
