you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
