90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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