I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
