just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
