Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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