How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
