please come you make the beer taste better
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
