Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
