:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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