we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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