Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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