apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
