he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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