uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
