I'm going to jail i love you
Screwed.edu
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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