she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
