Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
