You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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