Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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