This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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