Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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