Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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