I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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