You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
