i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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