I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
