Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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